I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
