Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
