just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
kristin has been a bad kristin
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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