dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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