No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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