After last night, I could never be a politician.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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