took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
