I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
