oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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