Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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