best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
