If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
