I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
