when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
