Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
