I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
