I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
