Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
