I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
