I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
