I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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