her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
from now on my penis is your penis
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
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