Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
