I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
