Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
