hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
