i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
