there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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