i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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