I'm going to jail i love you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
