chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
