Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
