its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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