i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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