He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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