This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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