It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize