just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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