my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
