Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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