I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
