i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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