it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
