community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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