I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
