Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
