I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
