Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need water and some morals
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
