i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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