please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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