A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize