Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Less talking, more tequila
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
