I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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