The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
