There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
