She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
