peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
