During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
