Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
