I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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