I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
