so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Someone came in the potted fern
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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