i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
