apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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