he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
