I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
