Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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