This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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