I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
