When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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