he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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